When we help clients neurobiologically separate out early shame from grief, we bring them to the awareness of how present day experiences are actually a confusing entanglement of calling cards from the past. As the responses separate and integrate with support into the client’s present day self, a felt sense of choice and autonomy emerge.
A Client Scene:
“It happens every time no matter what I say or how nice I try to be. My husband starts scolding me and I collapse.” Megan’s gaze sadly drifts to the left.
“When you feel that in your body, how old are you?” I ask.
“Young. It’s like I want my father’s love, and I know I’m not good enough.” She shrugs.
“How does this feel to the adult you?”
“Well, I know the not being good enough is not true.” She shrugs again. There’s silence.