The Way of Superior ManDeida, D. (1997). The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire. Boulder, CO: Sounds True, Inc. ISBN: 978-1-59179-257-4. 195 pages.

Deida, D. (2005). Dear Lover: A Woman’s Guide to Men, Sex, and Love’s Deepest Bliss. Boulder, CO: Sounds True, Inc. ISBN: 978-1-59179-260-4. 176 pages.

Reviewed by: Nataliya Rubinchik,
Hunter College





David Deida has written several books for men and women who want a fuller romantic life or who struggle with their current one. Deida’s books are also useful for psychotherapists wishing to advise their clients on how to better their intimate relationships. While all of his books could be read by both genders, each is written with one or the other as the expected audience. This allows the other gender to better understand the thoughts of the gender the book is written for.

Deida believes that every individual has an essence. A masculine essence is the desire from the very core to become successful and liberated from all inner and outer conflicts. A Dear Loverfeminine essence is the desire for love and romance above all else. Usually men have a more masculine essence and women have a more feminine one, but that is not always the case. A relationship where the essences balance out would be considered the most successful because the couple is complementing one another and allowing room to grow.

“Stop waiting. Feel everything. Love achingly. Give impeccably. Let go.” Even if something causes immense pain inside, Deida insists that a superior man would be able to deal with the hurt and turn it back into love: open his body and his heart and allow breath and spirituality to enter and cleanse the negativity and turn feelings into truly open love. The same rules apply to women and relationships, in Deida’s perspective. Fear of the unknown and doubt in oneself is always seen by a woman’s acute eye. Fear stops the growth of anything, therefore acknowledging fear and accepting it, pushing just beyond the boundary is what allows self-development. “Both forms of intercourse, sexual and worldly, require sensitivity, spontaneity, and a strong connection to deep truth in order to penetrate chaos and closure in a way that love prevails.”

Deida’s advice for the superior man sounds initially like criticism. He begins each chapter with a challenge. Sometimes the phrasing of his sentences sounds offensive in order to get a reaction from the reader, only to teach a lesson at the end. Sometimes Deida offers an exercise to the reader to allow him to learn more about himself. The purpose of all these challenges is to explain to the reader the differences that come about from making a specific decision. Similarly, every chapter of Dear Lover begins with a short letter from a lover explaining just how much his woman means to him. Through these letters, Deida expresses to his readers what a man should feel when he is with a woman. A woman should not settle for any less than the purest of emotion.

It is not easy to surrender all defenses that are around the heart, especially if they have been building up over many years of betrayal and heartache. Deida understands this and so his mission is to show every woman that she can be loved the way she wants. That men desire the same love that a woman does, and as long as she allows a man in, they can rewrite the years of pain into love and happiness. Letting go of fear is what allows every individual to blossom to his or her full potential. This is why Deida makes it clear that choosing life’s path must be done with an open and fearless heart.

The Way of the Superior Man and Dear Lover are a great read for both men and women, even though reactions will be different depending on the background of the individual. Both books capture the reader from the beginning and allow him or her the chance to view the world from someone else’s eyes. They create a bridge between men and women, one that would allow both genders to understand the thoughts and actions of the other. Both books guide the reader to begin opening him or herself up to the unknown, by offering support and understanding, while also pushing the boundary just a little bit. Deida’s writing feels personal, as if every word he writes is meant “for your eyes only.”

Deida, D. (1997). The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire.
Boulder, CO: Sounds True, Inc.
ISBN: 978-1-59179-257-4.
195 pages.
Paperback, more by the author given in Resources at the end of the book.

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